Mental Models: Our Desire for More is Burning Us Out
We adapt to what we get and want more. How to manage our treadmill of desire.
Some people scroll social media. I'd shop for cars.
When seeking a distraction, I’d dreamily browse for cars. I'd flip through craigslist ads, imagining which sleek sports car I would enjoy driving (or rather, which would I look more sophisticated in).
But I already had a car. A car I had previously wistfully wanted it as well.
I noticed this same desire for more elsewhere. The excitement of a new iPhone would morph to a longing for the next iPro max plus extra device. A desire for an international vacation would shift to a desire for a more cultured, worldly international vacation.
This doesn't seem bad. Why not strive for more and better? Life is to be enjoyed anyways.
Strangely, no matter what I’d want and subsequently achieve, the goal post would move. I’d seek the next level. I’m not sure how much happier I was with each increase either. And if this behavior went on I’d be eying an increasingly costly lifestyle.
There's a powerful force behind our escalating desires.
Hedonic adaptation is the psychological phenomenon where we become accustomed to what we experience.1 We enjoy great satisfaction the first time we experience a new car or home. But that satisfaction wanes over time. What was once novel and exciting becomes familiar and comforting.2
Adaptation evolved to keep us alive. It enables us to ignore what’s constant around us and to be more acute to changes. It was particularly useful when our ancestors had to be alert for tigers lurking in the bushes. More relevant to us now, adaptation enables us to survive in a range of situations. When hardship or negative events occur, adaptation enable us to move on.
But adaptation works against us when our lives aren’t in worry of survival. The same forces that keep us alive can not only lead us astray, but also make us unhappy.
Effects of Hedonic Adaptation
The repeated exposure to something has two effects:
Adaptation (aka desensitization)
Humans respond less and less to any given stimuli of the same kind. The first time I visit a Insta-Michelin-buzzy restaurant I may be enraptured by the experience. If I go a second or third time, while still enjoyable, the experience will not have the same bewilderment as the first. The intensity of our experience decreases the more we experience something. Whatever we get or experience, we get used to.
Shifting baseline for satisfaction
A positive experience can raise our standards of what we consider sufficient. After I’ve experienced the delicious craft of an artisanal coffee, I find a Starbucks or Tim Horton’s coffee to be inferior and adequate only as caffeine ingestion. What was once acceptable and enjoyable, no longer is. We increase our baseline for enjoyment.
These effects combine to a harmful cycle.
What’s the problem with Hedonic Adaptation?
The danger with hedonic adaptation is the rising cost and ongoing disappointment we face with an endless cycle. This cycle, the hedonic treadmill, occurs when we obtain what we desire, and as satisfaction wanes we seek the next thing to reclaim our satisfaction.
Perils of the hedonic treadmill:
1) We chase fleeting experiences that don’t make us happier
Due to adaptation, we reach higher with our next desired experiences. While the next experience raises our satisfaction levels again, the level is not necessarily greater. Nor does the satisfaction last any longer. The joy I’d get with a sleek Porsche would not be greater than the joy when I first got my Honda. This can set us up for disappointment when we exert more energy and care to obtain greater experiences, only to have enjoyment fade to familiarity as well.
2) The costs increase in a never ending cycle.
A Porsche costs more than a Honda. A Ferrari costs more than a Porsche. Rising costs have to be evaluated against the benefits. To afford a sleeker car, I’d have to sustain a job that can pay for it. I’d have to evaluate the costs of the job (and opportunity cost of the money) for the benefits of the car. In an extreme case, the sleek car may have such great cost that higher priorities suffer - for example health and family.
The hedonic treadmill suggests we end up expending more effort to obtain greater experiences - that don’t actually leave us any happier. We are seduced into expending more, just to stay in place.
So then what?
What to do about Hedonic Adaptation?
We can’t avoid adaptation. It happens to all of us. With knowledge of adaptation though, we can manage it for our well being.
Rethink our choices, knowing adaptation is inevitable
Think ahead towards the benefits we pursue. Take into account the cost and the lasting quality of the experience. When we know what is more meaningful and lasting to us, we can prioritize our scarce time and efforts. This might mean spending more time with loved ones, or learning a new skill, rather than purchasing that new iPro device. Forethought can reduce disappointment and feelings of sunk cost.
Seek nuance with what we have
Rather than joy in the next level of greater experience, we can find gratitude in our current experience. We discover nuance and enjoyment we never saw before. Relationships are not immune to hedonic adaptation either.3 Gratitude and nuance are powerful tools towards continued enjoyment in long term relationships. We move from novelty for the new to novelty for the nuance.
Embrace contrast
Refresh ourselves of simpler levels of experience. Step back and reset our zero point of satisfaction. When I was working on a startup, we had no formal office space. We worked out of coffee shops, enduring uncomfortable seats and disruptive environments4. After this experience and when my next role led me to gleaming corporate offices, I was bewildered at the comforts and beauty of the office space.
The tactics don’t work across all situations (e.g. seeking contrast with our partner may be tricky..), but they can serve as a base to work with.
..And therefore what?
Life is to be enjoyed. Hard work towards great experiences is a wonderful thing.
The hedonic treadmill lures us to a state we might not even be happy with. As we get more we seek more. And we exert more, only to be left longing for our next hit. Desires and costs increase so gradually we lose touch of the intensity we’re spinning at.
Adaptation is natural. The hedonic treadmill runs in the background of our lives.
With a thoughtful approach to adaptation we can cease blind sprinting and start intentional moving. We shift from burnout of the chase to enjoyment of the journey.
There’s no destination on our treadmill. Let’s relish our time on it.
Concepts adapted from: Kahneman, Daniel, Edward Diener, and Norbert Schwarz, eds. Well-being: Foundations of hedonic psychology. Russell Sage Foundation, 1999.
Hedonic adaptation is wonderful in business. It leads to opportunity and innovation. Customers will always seek more.
Psychotherapist Esther Perel explores this with her idea relationships require a paradox of comfort and novelty. Her TED talk is a good intro to her ideas.
True to adaptation, we didn’t mind working out of coffee shops. Overstaying our welcome was really the only issue.