Success: Fear and Hope to Accomplish Goals
Increase motivation and success. How we frame our goals matters.
I learned the power of fear at a hipster bar.
It’s a Saturday night in downtown San Francisco.1
“Beat it, nerd.”
A guy in a group scoffs at me. The rest of group turns their back. My face flushes with embarrassment. Queasy, I stammer,
“Umm. Well uh have a great night..” And I slink away.
I had walked up to a group of strangers and tried to strike up a conversation. I dreaded talking to strangers. It was an uncomfortable experience. But I wanted practice. My goal was to become a more socially capable person.
Since childhood, I wasn’t particularly good at making friends. My social ineptitude was usually perceived as reserved, cold, or uninterested. I embraced the position and leaned into solitary activities. Day long bikes rides and night hours of video games became my usual.
Yet, eventually pride gave way to fear. I feared the path I was on. Images of isolation, ridicule, and of never having a partner worried me. If I don’t become more social, I’m going to turn into a social robot and die alone. A spectacular score in Tony Hawk pro-skater might not be that great in the long run.
I feared a bleak future. The fear motivated me to become more socially capable.
“I have a hard time with motivation”
We’ve probably all thought this at some point. Whether it’s to stick to a New Year’s resolution or to finish the project on our to-do list.
I wrote about how we can be sharper with our brains for longer (i.e. build our cognitive endurance). Motivation is a necessary component to stick with any cognitive activity or goal.
How do we increase our motivation? Motivation and self-regulation are broad topics. In this post, we’ll go over a method to increase our motivation and success towards our goals.
How we frame our goals matters.
Regulatory Focus - Two Ways to View Our Goals
My goal focused on avoidance of a lonely future. The worry and fear motivated me. I sought to avoid a bad outcome. The frame of negative avoidance is known as a prevention focus. With a prevention focus, we emphasize our safety and security.
Alternatively, I could’ve focused on achieving a socially capable future. The excitement of dazzling everyone at a party could motivate me. I’m seeking a positive outcome. The frame of positive attainment is known as a promotion focus. With a promotion focus, we emphasize hopes and accomplishments.
The two ways we can view our goals is our regulatory focus. Regulatory focus refers to how we orient ourselves to self-regulate towards goals.
Why Regulatory Focus Matters
A store has a sign indicating a discount if paid with cash. If you’re like my dad, you’d be giddy and run to the closest ATM to get cash. Now let’s say the sign indicates there’s a credit card surcharge. If you’re also like my dad, you’d still run to the closest ATM to get cash, but you’d grumble about it.
How information is presented impacts how we think and behave. Similarly, how we frame our goals has profound effect on how we feel and act. The regulatory focus (i.e. a prevention or promotion focus) of our goal affects how we act in pursuit of our goal. It also affects how we feel when we succeed or fail at our goal.
Imagine two ways to frame the same situation:
Frame 1 - Prevention Focus: We work additional hours at our jobs because we don’t want to get passed over for the promotion, get a bad review, or get fired. With this prevention focus we seek security. The potential for negative outcomes spurs us to action. When we achieve these goals we feel relief and calm. We’re comforted we’ll still have a job. On the other hand, when we fail our goals we feel agitated - we feel anxious and worried. We worry we aren’t meeting our standard of responsibility.
Frame 2 - Promotion Focus: We work additional hours at our jobs because we want to move up the corporate ladder, we want to learn more, or win the quarterly bonus. With a promotion focus, we seek to address nurturance and advancement. The aspiration of a benefit motivates to action. The emotions felt with promotion focused goals are different. When we achieve our goals, we feel joy and excitement. When we fail our goals, we feel dejected - we feel disappointment and sadness.
How Regulatory Focus Affects Our Actions
We approach our goals differently based on the regulatory focus we place.
Urgency Towards Goals
Goals with a prevention focus are viewed as our duty and responsibility. It’s our responsibility to not get a bad performance review. It’s our responsibility to keep healthy. Prevention focus goals are approached as necessities to achieve and we approach with more immediate urgency. On the other hand, goals with a promotion focus are viewed as hopes and aspirations. The pursuit of some future ideal does not apply pressure to act quickly. We can always aim for the big promotion or to get fit, next year.
Speed and Accuracy Towards Goals
With promotion we pursue “hits,” rather than to avoid “misses.” The desire for hits leads us to act with more speed and less accuracy. We care less about misses that may occur as we gain more hits. Companies that embrace “move fast and break things” or to “fail fast” embody the idea of a promotion focus and of seeking hits.
Contrast to prevention goals, where we seek to avoid “misses.” The desire to avoid misses leads us to act with more care and less speed. Companies that speak of “building a moat” and seeking “solid fundamentals” represent a prevention focus of stability and security.
In general, failure to responsibility is more painful than failure to aspiration. Failure to keep my physical health well is worse than failure to keep my Apple Fitness rings streak. This difference leads us to feel and act differently depending on our focus.
How to Use Regulatory Focus to Our Advantage
We can use this knowledge of our behavior to increase our motivation and success.
Match goal focus with our innate style
You get ready for a big vacation. Do you first search for the most exciting activities to do? Or do you create a checklist of the items and documents to pack? We have a natural inclination towards a regulatory focus. While we should be flexible, in general we’re more successful when we match our goal framing with our general focus style. We can identify our regulatory focus by how we reflecting on how we think and act towards goals in general.2 Here are some statements that reflect either type of focus:
Promotion Focus
“I aim for the top spot”
”I dream of making a significant impact”
Prevention Focus
“I want to make sure everything goes smoothly”
”It’s important to meet my obligations”
If we tend to view goals and tasks with a promotion focus, we’re best to emphasize our goals in the same manner. Vacation planning becomes an opportunity to achieve insta-tastic memories and photos. We approach our planning with emphasis on the memorable sights and activities we should do. A novel vacation motivates us.
On the other hand, if we tend to view goals and tasks with a prevention focus, our vacation planning can be an opportunity to achieve a safe and smooth trip. Our planning emphasizes detailed itineraries, thorough packing, and knowledge of destination rules and customs. A worry free vacation motivates us.
Or course, we can utilize both types of focus for our goals. Certain goals are also better suited for one focus type over the other. However, a match with our default focus style with our specific goal focus helps with not only greater motivation towards our goal, but also towards higher performance. The sciencey term for this phenomenon is “regulatory fit.”
Regulatory fit enhances motivation for our goals.
Adapt focus to your advantage
Learning to play a musical instrument is hard. Especially in adulthood. Life is busy, we have priorities.
I picked up guitar in adulthood. My initial motivation was to avoid the regret of not doing something I had wanted to do.3 I used a prevention focus. After a couple of years, I had acceptable competency. My motivation and consistency dipped. I considered ceasing lessons. But I felt learning music would be good for my brain health. I reframed my goal with guitar as a means to keep my brain sharper. A little while later, my motivation dipped again. Other activities were already providing the I “brain workouts” I sought with guitar.
Then my motivation changed again. During a lesson, my instructor informed me of the next song we’d learn. We’d finally learn a song I had requested years ago, yet was curiously ignored.4
“Under the Bridge” by Red Hot Chili Peppers, with its moody loner lyrics, is a likely anthem for many who’ve felt socially awkward. As soon as I learned the first notes of the intro, images of jamming a favorite song filled my mind. My motivation spiked. I had shifted to a promotion focus.
We can use our different emotional and behavioral responses to our advantage. Prevention goals leads us to act more immediately and carefully. But once we accomplish our goals, we breathe a sign of relief and our motivation and progress decreases. Promotion goals lead us to strive for more and in a positive flywheel of continued motivation. Yet we tend to place less urgency on promotion focused goals.
If our motivation dips, we can refocus to energize appropriately.
If we have different behavior we desire, we can refocus to drive different actions.
..And therefore what?
Like a skilled marketer who spins messages to entice purchases, we can spin our goal perception to stir action.
When we align our goals focus with our default focus style, we have better outcomes. A regulatory fit leads to higher motivation and goal performance.
When our motivation or behavior isn’t working for us, we can shift our goal focus to change how we feel and act.
—
Nowadays, people tell I’m an extrovert. Even though I’ve considered myself an introvert. Perhaps my social style or capabilities crossed an invisible line to deem me an extrovert.
It’s no longer a goal of mine to become more socially capable. I’ve reverted in some ways. My behavior defaults to avoid talk with strangers. Earphones and a lack of eye contact are my usual when out.
But I still worry about my social capabilities. I worry about deepening and maintaining relationships. The social capabilities learned years ago were just the start to forge relationships for the future.
Perhaps the fear of a bleak future still exists. But it’s the promise of decades of memories, fun, growth with family and friends that energizes me. I’ve shifted towards a promotion focused future.
Especially a future where I can jam to favorite songs, and laugh alongside fellow nerds.
Bonus
Thank you for taking the time to read my writing. As a bonus/experiment for subscribers, if you would like discuss how you can apply this or any concept I write about to your life or have questions, reply here or send me an email (findtimk@gmail.com). Happy to see how I can help. It helps me retain and understand concepts as well.
References
Spiegel, Scott, Heidi Grant‐Pillow, and E. Tory Higgins. "How regulatory fit enhances motivational strength during goal pursuit." European Journal of Social Psychology 34.1 (2004): 39-54.
Higgins, E. Tory. "Beyond pleasure and pain." American psychologist 52.12 (1997): 1280.
Baumeister, Roy F., and Kathleen D. Vohs. Handbook of self-regulation. New York:: Guilford Press, 2004.
Specifically, the bar was now defunct Bubble Lounge. Ostensibly a classy champagne bar, it felt more like a night club. I have many awkward as well as fun memories there.
For more accurate assessment of regulatory style, the Regulatory Focus Questionnaire is searchable online
Read more about regret and decision making here: https://timk.substack.com/p/mental-models-make-better-decisions
Turns out “Under the Bridge” is much harder to play that I assumed. I have a lot of mundane finger drills to do still.